Is It Worth It
by CloieDark a.k.a. AlphaOmega
Summary: Yuusuke's wondering if living is even worth it nowadays.... is there anyone who can save him? well.... how about two somebody's. warning:yaoi ahead!


chibi cloey: *playing with Yu Yu Hakusho action figures*

*smiles and looks at everybody* hi!

Yuusuke: *walks in with Kurama and Hiei lookin annoyed* Cloe why are you using me again?

*tries to look innocent and angelic* um........ well cause I can.

Kurama: You seem to like putting Yuusuke through emotional pain a lot.

Hiei/Yuusuke: *nod in agreement*

uh... well yah see the thing is I like it when my fave character has to go through hell. like getting almost killed or injured badly you know...

Yuusuke: *blinks and sweatdrops* why didn't I use my Rei Gun on you when I had the chance?

*looks like she's thinking real hard* I don't know.... why didn't you?

Everybody: *sweatdrop*

*claps hands* okay, now onto the fic... *taps chibi cloey and whispers* hey the disclaimer.

chibi cloey: *glares at Cloe and puts disclaimer up, then goes back to playing*

Disclaimer: Cloe does not own Yu Yu Hakusho, if she did she wouldn't be writing this!

Is It Worth It

I wonder.... Is it really worth living anymore? Hn, living.... I actually wonder if that's what you could call what I've been doing my whole life. I mean I just seem to be stuck in a never-ending story titled hell. For instance, there's Keiko who's always bitching at me, always telling me what to do. And I'm supposed to be in love with her? Give me a break! She acts like an annoying sister. Doesn't anyone understand that I don't love her as a girlfriend!? And besides I hate anything that has to deal with authority, plus when people are always telling me what to do or what not to do. Geez it's so fucking annoying. Then there's Kuwabara the idiot. I guess you could call him my best friend. Although I'd actually call him my punching bag but whatever. But hell it's not like I've got that many people around me that I can call friends anyway...

Although, you then have Kurama an Hiei. Both were criminals that I was instructed to catch when I first met them. Then we... And by we I mean the idiot Kuwabara and I. Anyway we got teamed up and were being sent off to fight the Four Saint Beasts. Just how the hell can a Beast be a Saint anyway? I don't get that. Whoa okay getting off track here... Anyway we got teamed up with the thieves and a sort of friendship was built after that. Although they probably only pretend to be friends with me an Kuwabara. But then again maybe they really are my friends... Even so, it doesn't matter now. 'Cause if they knew how I really felt about them, I'd probably never see their beautiful faces again. Okay whoa their Yuusuke, getting a bit too mushy right now. So anyway where's the point in living? Even so there's also my mom. But I'm not sure she'd notice I was gone for quite a while right at this point in time. She's rarely home or even sober these days. All of these thoughts seem kinda funny...

Right now I'm standing on top of the apartment building where I now live, wondering if all of this shit I put up with is really worth it. But I can't help but wonder why in the three worlds I raised my reika to above slightly normal levels to get Kurama and Hiei's attention. Hm I wonder if I'm subconsciously crying out for help from them. Actually I wonder if anybody can help save me from myself at this point in time? Hn.... The real question just maybe, do I even care anymore...

***

A sigh slipped past Yuusuke's lips as he stood on the edge of the apartment complex. The sun was setting as a light breeze brushed past him. He was starting to wonder if it was going to be the last sunset he'd ever see. Funny how he had never taken the time to admire one, it was actually quite beautiful. Where was all this mushy stuff coming from all of a sudden? Shaking his head to banish anymore of those thoughts, Yuusuke went back to looking at everything and yet nothing at all. He jumped slightly when he heard something or more correctly someone land on the building not too far behind him.

Looking back he noticed that it was both Kurama and Hiei. 'Figures that they'd show up...' Yuusuke also noticed that neither of them looked particularly thrilled. Almost like someone you disturbed well they were busy but you just had to have their attention right there and then. 'Yeah Yuusuke, let's just burden our friends with our stupid problem and interfere with their happy little lives. Man I'm such a jerk.'

"So Yuusuke what's the **big** emergency?" Hiei scowled at the teen's back. Sure they were friends but he didn't want to do any sort of mission that the brat Koenma always seemed to send them on. If that was what this was about anyway.

"No emergency..." Yuusuke stated, "No mission..." He said as an after though while keeping his back towards them. "I've just got a question you guys might be able to help me answer..."

Yuusuke didn't look behind him but if he had he would have seen a confused, worried look that past between the Kitsune and Fire Youkai.

"And what question would that be Yuusuke?" Kurama asked letting worry show in his voice, not caring what Yuusuke or Hiei thought about his open concern. He just happened to be worried about a friend who held a special place in his heart.

Turning around to finally look at them, Yuusuke let a small smile grace his lips. "I was just wondering... Is it worth it?"

Confusion replaced any emotion on their faces as they looked at the younger boy. Is it worth it? What in the three worlds was he talking about?

"Is what worth it Yuusuke?" Hiei asked as it suddenly dawned on him to how close the ningen was to the ledge.

"Life..." He whispered as he looked up towards the darkening sky.

Startled by Yuusuke's response the Kitsune took a few steps towards him. "Yuusuke... Maybe you'd like to come away from the edge so we can discuss this..."

Looking at the human fox, Yuusuke shook his head and let that same small smile play across his lips again. "Nah. I actually like this spot. For now anyway." Shrugging his shoulder in a nonchalant manner as he kept a calm look on his face, and gazed past the two demons.

Both demons could feel fear creeping into their hearts as they digested what Yuusuke said. The way the ningen turned Youkai was acting, confused and scared the hell out of them. Yuusuke wasn't actually thinking about committing suicide... Was he?

"Yuusuke... Are you actually thinking about killing yourself?" Kurama half whispered as he glanced towards an uncharacteristically really worried looking Fire Youkai.

"Yes and why not? What's the point in living if you're not actually living?" Yuusuke countered in a cold, serious tone of voice shocking both of the demons, and himself.

The Kitsune and Fire Youkai felt their blood run cold as they heard those words pass Yuusuke's lips. What in the seven hells could have caused their secret love to breakdown this much? To where he'd want to take the cowards way out of life.

"I never thought you were one for taking the coward's way out of life Yuusuke." Hiei said with a serious undertone to his voice. Even though he appeared calm outside, on the inside he was completely freaked out.

"Yeah, so what? I'm just so sick of it, all of it really. And... I'm actually tired of fighting. So can you two tell me if it's really worth it?" Replied Yuusuke as he looked at them with a certain look of defeat in his eyes.

Kurama ran his tongue over his dry lips as he looked at he broken form of the Spirit Detective. Even now Yuusuke still held a certain possessive beauty about him. Although the Kitsune and Fire Youkai couldn't posse him, they couldn't stand to see him die. Not again. "Yuusuke... What about Keiko and your mother?"

"Keiko would get over it and as for my mom... She's to drunk to even notice for quite a while..." Turning slightly, Yuusuke looked down towards the ground, not wanting to see worry or any other emotion on their beautiful faces.

Walking up silently to where Yuusuke was in arms reach, Hiei asked, "What about us Yuusuke?"

Stiffening instantly Yuusuke turned away from both of them murmuring, "Don't ask me that."

This reaction shocked them. Why would Yuusuke react that way to Hiei's question unless...

"Yuusuke..." Kurama murmured as he walked up beside Hiei who was just an arm's reach away from the younger boy. Swallowing and running his tongue over his lips again he whispered, "Do you have feelings for us Yuusuke? Feelings that are more than just friendly one's?"

"Don't ask me that!" Yuusuke hollered while whirling back around to face them. A startled look entered his eyes as he felt his balance shift. But instead of falling backwards he was pulled forward into two bone crushing embraces. Freezing up Yuusuke couldn't believe what was happening.

Hiei and Kurama both clung to Yuusuke as they both came to a conclusion. Yuusuke Urameshi was now theirs and they weren't letting him go.

"Kurama... Hiei..." Yuusuke half whispered to himself, afraid that if he talked to loud he'd find himself waking up from a dream. "Why? Why are you guys acting like I'm something special to you?"

Pulling back to look into Yuusuke's face, Hiei slowly stroked his fingers down the younger boy's face. "That's because you are Yuusuke."

Kissing the boy's cheek, Kurama whispered into his ear, "You're our soul mate Yuusuke, you're what completes us. And we can't bear the thought of losing you... It hurts too much." The Kitsune tightened his grip on the Spirit Detective and blinked in surprise as he felt something wet hit his cheek. Pulling away slightly, the Kitsune was stunned to see tears freely sliding down Yuusuke's beautiful face.

Kissing away some of Yuusuke's tears, the Fire Youkai rubbed his hand up and down the Spirit Detective's back causing him to unconsciously. "Yuusuke.."

"Sorry it's just... I'm glad you guys showed up. If you hadn't I... I would've..." Choking down a sob Yuusuke bowed his head to hide his tears and inner turmoil.

Raising Yuusuke's face the Kitsune and Fire Youkai inhaled sharply at the pain in those chocolate eyes.

"It hurts..." Yuusuke whispered causing something in Kurama's and Hiei's chest to clench. "It hurts... Trying to be someone I'm not... Hiding behind some stupid mask cause I'm scared..."

Nuzzling against Yuusuke's hair, Kurama made soothing noises in his throat, while Hiei hugged the boy and purred. "You don't have to hide from us Yuusuke. We won't leave you. Oh and Yuusuke..."

Looking into crimson eyes the Spirit Detective tilted his head slightly to signal that he was listening.

"As for your question..." Hiei whispered, his lips brushing against the Spirit Detective's ear causing him to tremble. "How about we be your reason to keep on living."

A certain fire seemed to rekindle in the Spirit Detective's eyes as a small smile graced his tear stained face. "I can live with that."

***

it's done and I know there's a lot of OCC-ness. but do I care... NO! so love me, hate me, flame me, I don't care! I'm a writer an you can't stop me! *cackles manically*

Kurama: *sweatdrops* alright Cloe I think we'll be cutting back on your sugar intake.

*pouts and hugs a bag of dove chocolate's to her chest* Never! *runs off*

Yuusuke: well we've got to go catch her, so jus review the frickin story alright! *runs after Cloe*

NOTE: if anyone knows of any Jinn/Yuusuke, Yuusuke/Jinn fics could you please tell me the title and author or website it's located at. thanks, ciao, and momenti!!!

ANOTHER NOTE: okay for all of the people who are waiting for me to update Trying To Forget, i've been having problems with my home computer, and not to mention ff.net wouldn't let me login. but i'll try to get the next chapter out soon. i've got quite a bit of it written i jus need ta type it up. momenti! =^.^=


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